Build resilience with gratitude

Most are familiar with the expression ~ what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Many will look back on 2023 with strong memories of painful things. Thinking about those things can hurt like a bad new year’s hangover. It was a tough year from many perspectives. Maybe a cure for that hangover is gratitude.

Lately, gratitude is talked about a lot and is a theme of many social posts. People have tuned into the power of gratitude. Its a popular topic. So is resilience. You don’t have to look far to find suffering these days. There are plenty of circumstances from which people need to ‘bounce back’ at individual, international, and intercultural levels. There seem to be countless things to be overcome lately – for everyone everywhere. The world needs more resilience.

Appreciating what’s good helps to manage through the not so good – the things we need to overcome. Expressing gratitude helps, but more than just feeling grateful – being grateful is the ticket. That’s my experience and what I have observed in many others. Acts of gratitude trump darkness every time. Ongoing authentic expressions of gratitude build resilience. They help you to get past challenges. Gratitude is fuel for your resilience muscle.

So here’s a little new years work out. Be grateful. Express your gratitude. Find some good from all the darkness. Consider what didn’t kill you in 2023, but maybe felt like it might. Be grateful for what didn’t kill you – it gave you insight. You learned something about you and the world by your suffering. Be bright with what you learned from your experiences. Find a way to share what you learned maybe framed as gratitude. Depending on your experience that could be asking a lot. It doesn’t take much to start. The smallest, quietest acts of kindness, born of gratitude, can build the biggest resilience muscle.

Photo Credit Louis Simmons pexels.com

Sometimes – Just a little push…

A senior executive once described her career as “remarkably tougher than that of my male counterparts. All of them.” Science says she’s in the majority, at least when it comes to male dominated sectors of which there are far too many. Research says senior executive women in the technology sector feel career drag because of their gender (Fauteux, 2017). Progress has been made but the gap persists. Like many I look forward to the day when the reality of equity and diversity is here. Alas it’s not here yet. You don’t need to look far to find local examples of what is all too visible around the world. Its tough for women and girls.

We know that there is a gender gap in the tech sector, especially in the senior ranks, yet we seem powerless do do much about it. One reason we sometimes avoid the ‘dirty little secret’ relates to our fear of overcompensating. ‘If our affirmative action goes too far then we’d just tip the scales the other way and that’s not equity, yada yada.’ So we do less or little.

Today on International Women’s day lets try to “give a little push” to what seems to have been screwed up otherwise. Lets find small (and big) ways to tip the scales more towards equity for women and girls, and in general. Let’s say something or do something that might feel uncomfortable to us in the interest of advancing women. These suggestions are especially for men, today, but they apply to everyone always (at least a bit).

Try using pronouns in your stories of ‘she/ her’ instead of ‘he/him.’ When you tell a story about Steve Jobs, mirror it with a story about Ursula Burns. When you walk into a room of 90% women, notice that, and do something to make it better. If you have oversight of salaries take a closer look to ensure your organization has achieved pay equity and not just talked about it. And finally, offer opportunities and encouragement to women and girls. Sometimes just a little push in the right direction can make a big difference.

I can’t write a post to support women on International Women’s Day without acknowledging two especially amazing women – my wife Mary and my daughter Julia. I am blessed to have you in my life. We are all blessed to have you in this world. Thank you for being my inspiration and for being shining examples of hard work, dedication, and love.

Photo Credit http://www.isCute.com

Who Ride White Horses

Here’s another gem from the family archives. My mother, Ann Marie Fauteux was a writer (and a teacher). Among her most famous works was, “The Ballad of Bordeaux Jail,” a poem set to song by Alan Mills which generated quite a stir in Montréal during the 1960’s. She is less known for her writing under the non du plume (pseudonym) Rebecca. I have no idea why she chose that name. Here is one of the Rebecca poems entitled “Who Ride White Horses,” as published in the Montréal Gazette (Photo credit An Ax to Grind: A Practical Ax Manual – Federal Highway Administration).

Expo ’67 Hype Hope and History

Expo ’67 was an amazing chapter in Canadian history. I remember the crowds and the great feeling of pride and accomplishment even as a seven year old aspiring Canadian. My father, Robert Fauteux was Commissioner of the General Electric Pavilion at the fair which was a position of some importance. In the year before, my mother, Ann Marie Fauteux was busy editorializing on the Expo ’67 hype being generated by government advertising. In her view it was over the top, an opinion shared by many. Despite her public complaints my father was appointed to the role of commissioner and my mother quickly embraced the opportunity! Following is a poem which was published in the Montreal Gazette in 1966 as part of a regular column where my mother was sometimes featured.

Photo credit: Michael Rougier Time Life Pictures Getty Images

A poem by Ann Marie Fauteux

A Fauteux Montréal Lament

The debate about government fees and taxes has raged on for centuries. In the 1960’s, as the Montréal Champlain Bridge was nearing completion, Ann Marie Fauteux (my mother) wrote a poem about the proposed bridge toll. She lamented the apparent community acceptance of the toll by comparing it to a famous French Gaston-Alphonse cartoon. My mother loved to write. She was always in pursuit of a well twisted phrase and a clever word.

Image Credit: Frederick Burr Opper – American Journal Examiner

A-Tisket, A-Tasket, For Pete Sake Hit That Basket

Ann Marie Fauteux

Now Montreal’s an island fair,
Surrounded by a moat.
At one time just accessible
To owners of a boat.
Until the ruling party built
A road across its span
To ease the pain and burden of
The weary motor man.
To ease the pain and burden more,
They charged him “twenty-five”
In view of all the benefits
The driver would derive.
They never thought of profit when
Requesting this donation,
But just to let us share in a
Togetherness relation.
Togetherness means harmony twixt
Man and his Regime,
You pay a round, I’ll pay a round
– A Gaston-Alphonse team.
But something just occurred to me,
It may be splitting hairs,
Where’s all this money coming from
That governments call “theirs?”
Now if it comes from whence I think,
And here my point is moot,
Then aren’t we paying our share, and
The government’s to boot?
Men go to work each morning just
To pay the tax they owe,
I don’t see why they have to buy
The road on which they go.

What I have learned…

For many, this week is a homecoming, a return to alma mater, and a time for (enhanced) reflection. I was privileged to have a great educational experience. I am privileged. Period. And I never take that for granted. I have leaned a lot but as I come home and I reflect, here’s what I conclude that I have leaned. Three things…

All people are decent! Despite the hate in this world and all the nasty things that people do to each other, deep inside, at the core, people are decent. To see people any other way serves no purpose. Assume that we are all essentially good even though our actions sometimes suggest otherwise. In the long run, our behaviours at least approach decency, and given enough time we will all get there.

The truth must be told! Although ‘truth’ in the sense of knowledge and science is sometimes hard to know, at least the moral truth is always evident. You can’t hide from it. You need to seek it. There is no point in lying. You may get away with it for a while but it will gradually eat you up inside. You might justify not telling the truth to protect other people. But they can take it. And they’ll forgive you. After all, they’re decent.

Fear is what holds us back! Take a look at anyone with a disability or anyone who has ‘overcome the odds’ and you’ll see someone who has embraced fear. People who are considered as gifted or ‘natural,’ at one time overcame a fear of not meeting rising expectations. If you’re honest with yourself about what you want, big or small, and if you’re not achieving it, you’re probably just afraid. Reaching goals requires that you overcome fear. Get out of your comfort zone and just do what you truly want. If you fail, and you admit it, people will support you. After all they’re decent.

My alma mater has always been a place of learning for me. As I walk around campus, 35 years after being graduated, and ask myself what I have learned, the answer is not in the text books. At least not the business ones. Supply and demand, fiscal policy, sensitivity analysis, cost allocation, debits and credits, strategic frameworks, bla bla bla are all important but they’re not the stuff of life.

Thirty five years on, what I have learned is: All people are decent; the truth must be told; and fear is what holds us back! Now, where was I? Oh yes, I need another drink. Cheers!

In Defense of the NS Health Care System

This evening I went to a talk sponsored by the Atlantic Institute for Market Studies (AIMS) held at the Halifax Public Library Main Branch.  The event was attended by about 300 people. The new beautiful building was an appropriate setting to learn about health literacy, and the audience seemed keen to hear from local thought leaders.  Dr. John Ross opened by offering insights about how the health care system is focused on fixing symptoms rather than prevention and how society and individuals should focus more on the social determinants of health.  That made good enough sense to me as an average citizen.  I learned something.  Thanks Doc.  Dr. David Zitner, on the other hand, left me disappointed.  It’s hard for me to argue with what he had to say specifically because his message was not clear to me.  Although he may have been well intentioned his negative tone raised my ire, so much so that I decided to write this blog post.   His talk was riddled with nuance and innuendo about how the Nova Scotia Health Care system is broken.  That’s not my experience.   Here’s my side of that story.

Today I went to visit my oncologist.  Six months ago those were words I never ever thought I’d say, let alone write.  I was in and out of the hospital in 30 minutes.  The meeting was efficient and professional.  And the news was good, so I may be a bit biased.  Yesterday I received my X-Ray results via Health Relay.  That’s the on-line, Nova Scotia government sponsored, web based, electronic medical records system I’ve been using with my family physician for the last 18 months or so.  Health Relay is the system that Dr. Zitner didn’t seem to know anything about when he polled the audience at the beginning of his talk.  He referenced similar information systems in other provinces and countries but somehow overlooked the fact that our province has a perfectly well functioning system today, at least in my experience.   He implied ‘shame on us’ for not having such a system.  Dr. Zitner seemed to have nothing good to say about our health care system.  So here’s more of my story suggesting otherwise.  The X Ray results I received on Health Relay were generated from a visit I had last week to the Dartmouth General where I was in and out of the hospital in about 40 minutes.  I’ve have had longer wait times to mail a parcel with Canada Post during the holiday season.

So here’s my message.  Thank you Nova Scotia for delivering quality health care in a fast and efficient way.  Thank you to the practitioners, the staff, the managers, and yes even to the politicians.  I know my experience is uniquely mine.  I imagine there are many others who have been frustrated by negative experiences from a resource constrained system.   But when good things happen they should be acknowledged, especially when thought leaders we rely on for insight are implying otherwise and focusing on the negative.  With respect, Dr. Zitner, you need some new material.

The Ballad of Bordeaux Jail

As we close out 2015 I wanted to pay tribute to my mother, Ann Marie Fauteux, who wr0te a poem 50 years ago, in 1965.  The poem still stands as a great Canadian literary work – at least for me.  The Ballad of Bordeaux Jail tells the story of Lucien Rivard and his escape from Bordeaux by scaling the prison wall with a hose.  Rivard requested the hose from the Warden so that he could flood the prison skating rink – in July!  The poem was later set to music by Allan Mills.  My mother loved words and she was a master of them.  May she rest in peace.

Here’s a link to a recording of the poem courtesy of CJAD Radio circa 1965.

THE BALLAD OF BORDEAUX JAIL
Anne-Marie Fauteux (1965)

The warden sat at sundown,
A busy day was o’er,
He’d just lit up a fat cigar,
When a knock came at the door.

“Entrez, entrez !” the warden cried,
“La porte she is ajar !”
And who walked in, to his surprise,
But Big-Wheel, Lou Rivard !

“How come, Big-Wheel, you promenade,
It’s curfew-time, n’est-ce pas ?
I warning you to prenez-garde,
Before you break the law !”

“Pardonnez-moi mon capitane,
I did not stop to think,
But with your kind permission,
I would like to hose the rink.”

“To hose the rink ? Why sacre-bleu,
You must be wan big fool !
The rink my friend she’s beaucoup d’eau,
Like outdoor swimming pool !”

Now Rivard, like the quick brown fox,
Who must outwit the hound,
He senses with his gambler’s ken,
That he is gaining ground.

“It’s true Monsieur that ce matin,
The rink was soft like slop,
Regardez – since après-midi,
The temperature go plop !”

“C’est vrai, fait chaud from where you sit,
Across the great divide,
But where I stand I feel a draft,
Bébé it’s cold outside !”

“Eh bien, voilà, go get the hose,
Permission you obtain,
Like my new boss, Claude Wagner say,
We must be more humane.”

“Merci Monsieur, au revoir, adieu,
Light up your cold cigar,
I will not bother you again,
Exit Lucien Rivard ! !”

“Exit ! Exit !” the warden muse,
“He make the big joke, no ?
Quelle difference, he safe behind
The walls of old Bordeaux !”

One hour she pass, the warden doze,
Then bingo, tout de suite,
The sirens wail, the guards aussi,
There’s panic in the street ! !

The warden freeze – like paralyze,
The joke he get trop tard,
“Certainement, mon dieu, c’est ça,
The hose – the rink – Rivard ! ! ! ”

Trop tard ! He stagger to his feet,
No need to ask pourquoi,
“Certainement – mon dieu – c’est ça,
Lucien Rivard s’en va ! !”

He cry, Monsieur the warden,
Enfin he see it all,
Big hose not for the rink by gar,
Big hose for over wall ! !

He grind his teeth, he pull his hairs,
He’ll never smile again,
As he implore, encore, — encore —
“WHERE ARE YOU LUCIEN ! ! ! ”

EPILOGUE

The search goes on relentless,
Through valley, hill and dell,
They seek him here, they seek him there,
That Gallic Pimpernel.

For years to come in Crooksville,
They’ll tell the epic tale,
How Rivard left his footprints,
On the walls of Bordeaux Jail.

Feed a Duck and Smile for Louisa

January 17, 2015 marks the 1st anniversary of the death of Louise Fauteux, my sister (aka Louisa).  She was a wonderful gift to the world.  As a nurse she was compassionate.  As a kidney dialysis sales consultant she was a consummate professional.  As a friend she was loyal.  As an aunt and sister in-law she was inspirational.  As a sister she was everything.  She was an all round great human being.  I miss her immensely.

In the end Louise died from Lewy Body disease.  Throughout her life she was, in a good way, crazy!  She laughed, she loved, and she lived a full life.  Louisa loved to feed the ducks.  They would gather around her as she fed them cracked corn, and she would smile.

So, for Louisa, and for all the crazy people who change the world in their own unique way I invite you to feed the ducks.  As they quack, you might smile.  Louisa will be smiling with you.  I love you sister, always!

Go Canada Go!

I think a good way to start blogging in my new blended personal web site is with a family oriented entry.  Each year over the holidays my wife obsesses with The World Junior Hockey Tournament.  I go along for the ride.  Its fun and a great application for big screen TV!  Watching 17 year old boys battle for their country (and their emerging career) is a fantastic glimpse of dreams come true.  Its hard to imagine the pride felt by their families.  Its even more difficult to imagine what it would feel like to be in your first world sports tournament.  I guess the exposure would be gradual with many smaller tournaments leading up to this one but it would have to be a pretty powerful experience nonetheless.  I’ve had many firsts in my life but sadly most of them slipped by without much fanfare. I’m not sure I noticed.  Maybe I should start paying more attention!